Thursday, February 15, 2007

Dor, dor si iarasi dor...


Dor de copilărie - pentru cei maturizaţi deja, dor de ţară pentru cei plecaţi departe, dor de cei plecaţi în altă lume mult prea devreme, dor de părinţi, dor de iubire, dor de ducă, dor, dor şi iarăşi dor, şi încă câte alte forme ale dorului. E laitmotiv pentru poeţi, de la Eminescu până la poezia noastră modernă, e pretext pentru sinucigaşi sau pentru depresivi, e orice vreţi voi să fie...
Câte strigăte de dor n-am auzit în viaţă, crezând mereu că eu nu voi suferi niciodată de acest "virus"? Mi s-a părut întotdeauna că dorul este pentru cei slabi, vulnerabili, care depind mereu de celălalt, mi s-a părut că ruşine mai mare nu există decât să plângi cu lacrimi de crocodil pentru că ţi-e dor de cineva...Mi s-a părut...
Când, dintr-o dată, mă cuprinde aşa un dor nebun de copilărie, de casa în care am crescut, de Creangă şi poveştile sale, de bunica si gogoşelele sale, de şotron, de v-aţi ascunselea, de păpuşile frumos îmbrăcate şi mereu coafate (asta pentru că aveam mereu un cap de schimb pentru ele)...Mi-e dor de gutuile alea frumos aşezate pe şifonier, de nopţile în care mă trezeam speriată de visele mele de copil nebunatic şi bunica era mereu acolo.....mi-e dor de iernile copilăriei mele, de omul de zăpadă, de derdeluş, de copilul acela plin de energie care zburda prin zăpadă şi venea încasă îngheţat măr...
Mi-e dor de toate cele de atunci...iar azi am alte doruri, mai mature, mai serioase şi mai pretenţioase, dar e...tot dor.

Iar acum, că v-am mărturisit toate acestea, parcă nu mă mai simt atât de vinovată că mi-e dor...



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